No Homo!
by FluffFortress
Summary: Eli insists that there's nothing gay about her. Nico believes otherwise. (Technically, Nozomi isn't around but, it's still NozoEli!)


"I'm not gay! And neither is Nozomi!"

"Eli, sweetheart, you're not fooling anyone."

It had been at least an hour since Nozomi had excused herself from the Student Council room. The purple-haired girl had a few errands to run after school, leaving Eli to finish up any work. Leaving her with Nico. A Nico who was very determined to throw her good friend Nozomi a bone.

Nozomi's interest in Eli had been blatant for months now. That girl was so gay that all of μ's' members combined could not even _dream_ of out-gaying her. Not that they would try. Yet, somehow, just somehow, the quarter-Russian managed to (unintentionally?) ignore all of her advances. It was obvious that Eli did hold affections for Nozomi too. Nico was just trying to give her a push, a borderline shove in the right direction. Honestly though, it was kind of frustrating. Scratch that, very frustrating.

"Didn't she literally tell you that she loved you last week?" Nico folded her arms, rocking herself lightly upon the chair that Nozomi would usually be seated on.

"Well – yes, b-but it wasn't romantic!" Eli's once pale cheeks heated up, her icy blue eyes darting across the room as if proof of her apparent straightness was hidden within its walls. "It was a just a confession of _platonic_ love between girls who are _JUST_ _FRIENDS._ " She made extra sure to stress on the _friends_ part.

Ah yes, the Gal Pals™ card. The twin-tailed girl sighed. Eli was sure being stubborn.

But luckily for Nico, she was used to dealing with stubborn people in denial.

Nico shook her head before standing up, adjusting herself so she was directly in front of the blonde. "Eli." She placed her arms upon Eli's shoulders, feeling her tense up against her.

Okay, let's take this one step at a time.

"Nozomi is _gay_." Nico made sure to speak slowly, placing emphasis on each syllable.

"No she isn'-"

"Eli." Nico calmly interrupts, her ruby eyes wide and staring. "She likes to touch breasts. Girls have breasts. Nozomi is a _girl_." As if to reiterate, the shorter third-year squeezes Eli's shoulders. "Washi washi max, Eli."

Eli only nods dumbly. Did she come to terms with it? Hopefully. Nozomi's sexuality was the most glaringly evident.

Now, for the next hurdle.

"Eli, you are _gay_."

Her eyes narrow at the accusation. Eli's hand squeezes the pen within her grip.

"I can assure you, Nico, I am not."

"Okay fine, you're a _lesbian_."

"No."

"Bi? Pan?"

"Nico, I-"

"I've seen you checking out Nozomi's curves, y'know."

On cue, Eli flinches. The blood seems to drain from her face.

"And her _breasts._ "

Internally, Nico winces at her last jab. She's sure that her presence next to Nozomi amplified the purple-haired girl's _assets_ through juxtaposition. Good for Eli, she supposes.

The blonde opens her mouth as if she were about to retort, but shuts it immediately.  
Her eye twitches as she searches the depths of her mind for a response.  
If she denied it, Nico was fully prepared and willing to list every single moment she caught Eli being gay. And _boy_ , were there a lot of moments. During practice sessions you'd need to be daft in order to miss the way Eli's eyes were practically glued to Nozomi. Nico vividly remembered spitting her water when Rin had idly asked her what was so interesting about Nozomi's back pocket that Eli gave her undivided attention to.

"…I suppose so." was the mumble that eventually left the quarter-Russian's lips.

Nico let out a triumphant huff at the rather meek reply. So she couldn't argue against it after all.

"Now…you put two and two together." The shorter girl illustrates her point, her fingers holding up the mentioned numbers.

What Nico expected to see were the whirring of gears within Eli's head. What she didn't expect, was to see the blonde frown, her shoulders slumped and eyebrows furrowed.

"She's not interested, Nico." She turns her head and looks away. "I won't ruin our friendship like that."

Nico was taken aback by the sudden shift in atmosphere. For a moment there was a tense, heavy silence. Only for a moment, however.

"Where did you even _get_ that idea, Eli?!" The twin-tailed girl growled, jumping to her feet. She flicked at Eli's forehead. "Nozomi's head-over-heels for your ass!"

Eli recoils, shocked at both Nico's outburst and the clashing of finely manicured nails to her skin. "Well, how can you be so sure of that?!" Came the counter. "Nozomi's just _affectionate_ towards everybody in μ's!"

Eli refuses to look Nico in the eye. Her gaze fixed to the floor.

"Except me."

Nico raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Eli, you two are like inseparable. What do you mean she's not ' _affectionate'_?" Nico was sure to pronounce the word with the exact same flourish the quarter-Russian did.

"W-well—"

Scarlet adorns Eli's cheeks once more, and her voice drops to a murmur.

" _...she never tries to grope me."_

" _ **What."**_

Was Nico's immediate response. Her cheeks twitch as her lips form a rather confused smile. "E-Eli, are you saying that you don't think Nozomi likes you, because she gropes everyone _but_ you?"

Eli nods, hanging her head in shame. Nico fought the urge to complain about Nozomi getting right into her personal space. It was reasonable that Eli would be jealous over something like that. She _like-likes_ Nozomi.

If Maki started groping everyone but her, Nico would be jealous t-

 _Nope._ Nico quickly dismissed that thought. Point is, Eli's feelings do make sense, to a degree. Even if Nozomi's invasive hands _are_ a nuisance.

"Are you kidding?! She really _does_ love you!" Nico recalled the numerous conversations, calls and texts she had with Nozomi. The longing tone in her voice as she spoke about Eli, the faintest brief sighs of disappointment when the girl of her affections had yet again, ignored her flirtations and even that silly grin of hers when she thought about something that Nico would rather not hear about. Of course, Nozomi had already straight-up told Nico that she had feelings for Eli. They were best friends after all. "Heck, she probably _doesn't_ grope you because she's interested! She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable!" But apparently Nozomi was completely okay with making Nico uncomfortable every other day.

"I shouldn't misinterpret her actions, Ni-"

"Hey, give me your phone, dumbass." Nico cut her off, shaking her head with a 'tch'. "I'll show you proof."

Eli is puzzled, but complies, reaching into her blazer's pocket and passing the device. She opens her mouth to object as she notices that Nico has opened up her text messages, making a beeline towards her exchanges with Nozomi.

"Isn't this a blatant invasion of priv-"

" _Hush,_ Eli _."_

Eli hushes, albeit still skeptical.

A minute passes when Nico flips the phone in her hand around, shoving it into Eli's face.

"Here! Cold, hard, solid proof _."_

Eli blinks at the screen and cocks her head.

"It's just Nozomi asking me out for parfaits."

"No it's not _just_ that, you dummy!" Nico points her index finger to a very specific part of the message.

"…a semicolon, and a parenthesis?"

Nico groans. She raises her arms exasperation before sighing. "It's a winking face, Eli."

"Ah, so that's what it was!" The blonde perks up at the realisation. Nico wondered how much out of the loop she was. "But what does that mean?"

"You're meant to read it in a teasing tone." Nico falls backwards into a chair, landing with a soft thump. "She's flirting with you, idiot."

"It means she's flirting…?" Eli's eyes widen as it finally dawns on her. The message was given an entirely new meaning. Nozomi sent emoticons like that all the time, Nico was sure. _Now_ , she could see, and maybe even hear the little gears whirring like crazy in Eli's head.

Nico smiles victoriously as Eli hastily scrolls through logs and logs of message history. That is, before Eli turns to her, surprise stricken on her face.

"Nico, please translate these!" The blonde practically pleads. " _I DON'T UNDERSTAND_."

"Nope." Nico raises her hands. "My job's done. You're on your own with that, Eli."

"N-NICO."

"The great Nico-nii needs to nico nico leave. Toodles!"

With that, the petite third-year stands, exiting the room. She smirks as she catches a glimpse of a red-faced Eli fumbling with her phone through the crack of the closing door.

Nozomi really owed her for this one.

* * *

BONUS: Aforementioned Text Messages

[6:09:35 PM] Nozomi Tojo: elichi~

[6:09:58 PM] Eli Ayase: Yes?

[6:10:24 PM] Nozomi Tojo: do u wanna go for parfaits after school friday~~~?

[6:10:44 PM] Eli Ayase: If we finish up at the council early, I'd be happy to.

[6:10:48 PM] Eli Ayase: Are we getting the usual?

[6:10:55 PM] Nozomi Tojo: of course!

[6:11:03 PM] Nozomi Tojo: but i wouldnt mind something more

[6:11:04 PM] Nozomi Tojo: delicious ;)

[6:11:18 PM] Eli Ayase: I'm not too sure if I'm able to eat much more than the usual, Nozomi.

[6:11:26 PM] Eli Ayase: Even if it is delicious, the servings are huge. Are you sure?

[6:11:33 PM] Nozomi Tojo: ive got a second stomach for desserts elichi!

[6:11:39 PM] Nozomi Tojo: but ive also got room just for you ;)

[6:12:01 PM] Eli Ayase: You shouldn't have to eat my serving just because I can't finish it.

[6:12:13 PM] Nozomi Tojo: id like to eat more than ur serving elichi ;)

[6:12:27 PM] Eli Ayase: Be careful, Umi may double your training regime if you do.

[6:12:32 PM] Eli Ayase: What does ;) mean?

[6:13:25 PM] Nozomi Tojo: :/


End file.
